El Tabaco no mata, la culpa es de los´tupper´falsos de la comida china a domicilio

El Tabaco no mata, la culpa es de los´tupper´falsos de la comida china a domicilio

Científicos de todo el mundo se han quedado con la boca abierta esta mañana cuando un prestigiosísimo laboratorio ha emitido un comunicado de prensa en el que describe un asombroso descubrimiento que demuestra cuál es la verdadera causa de la mayoría de los casos de cáncer que hasta hoy mismito se asociaban al consumo de tabaco. Los auténticos culpables de estas dolencias son los ´tupper´, marca La Pava, en los que los restaurantes chinos sirven su comida cuando la pides por teléfono a domicilio. ¡Entérate de todo en el interior!

02.03.2009 NOTICIAS DEL MUNDO

¿Es posible que los culpables de la muerte de gente como Terenci Moix y Belén Rueda sean los recipientes de plástico que usan los chinos para envasar su comida? Pues según un afamadísimo laboratorio extranjero: Sí. Pero sí rotundo, vaya. Al parecer, la comunidad china, o guacamaya, dedicada al reparto de comida a domicilio, está, presuntamente,  detrás de todas estas muertes que todo el mundo achacaba a fumarse un pitillo de vez en cuando.

“La gente pensaba que los TupperWare originales no se diferenciaban en nada a los de los chinos y por eso todo el mundo siempre criticaba el elevado precio del invento original” ha declarado Charles Oterius, científico chipriota que lidera este grupo de investigación. El problema parece estar en la reacción que hacen estos envases falsos al entrar en contacto con el calor radioactivo que emiten los micro-ondas. Tras su recalentamiento prolongado, estas tarteritas redondas de color blanco comienzan a arrugarse “un poquito” mientras van contaminando la comida.

A esto se suma que toda la comida que va en este tipo de recipientes ya viene bien llena de mogollón de bacterias malísimas porque está cocinada el día anterior a su consumo, en el mejor de los casos. En el resto de ocasiones suelen ser simplemente sobras congeladas de hace varias semanas. La mezcla de componentes gaseosos, bacterias y unidades de tiempo no concretas hace que el cáncer de pulmón aparezca con la misma facilidad que tiene el VIH para reproducirse en una sauna gay.

Pero, ¿por qué se había señalado al consumo de tabaco como culpable del desarrollo del cáncer de pulmón? Nos hemos preguntado en la redacción. La respuesta no ha tardado en llegar en forma de post data correspondiente a la nota de prensa que habíamos recibido horas antes. “El científico que señaló al tabaco como responsable del cáncer de pulmón es el típico hombre que fue un niño de cristal, marginado, sin amigos y asmático. Como era asmático y el humo del tabaco le molestaba mogollón, pues se le ocurrió decir que el tabaco daba cáncer, aún sabiendo que los verdaderos culpables eran los tupper del chino” ha reseñado Charles Oterius.

Para colmo, Oterius ha afirmado: “Ana Rosa Quintana también se lleva la comida en tuppers del chino, por eso, aunque no tenga cáncer de pulmón, tiene otro de los síntomas asignados por error al tabaco : esa piel tan negruza y avejentada”. Otros consumidores de este tipo de transportables responden al nombre de Inés Ballester, Penélope Cruz, Maria Teresa Fernández de La Vega y Jesús Quintero. Esperemos que hayan tomado medidas urgentes contra este mal.


Comentarios
El 19-mar-2009 a las 17:20, Gabeee escribió:
Belen Rueda muerta?
El 17-mar-2009 a las 10:32, tenéis el tacto en el culo escribió:
dais asco cómo podeis tratar el vih de una manera tan denigrante
El 15-mar-2009 a las 23:11, haha escribió:
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El 05-mar-2009 a las 23:48, para oh la lá escribió:
para alimentarte como el cliché te recomiendo que adobes, frías y empanes todo lo que ingieras
El 03-mar-2009 a las 19:56, paloma Amargura escribió:
¿Dónde está la gracia?
El 03-mar-2009 a las 18:22, oh la lá escribió:
para cuándo un especial sobre los alimentos más "el cliché"? queremos alimentarnos como vosotros!
El 03-mar-2009 a las 00:54, La puta de tu madre escribió:
pues a mi me ha hecho mucha gracia
El 03-mar-2009 a las 00:50, TOTAL escribió:
Tan surrealista como las auténticas noticias de aquel periódico al que homenajéais en esta sección. Sois geniales
El 02-mar-2009 a las 23:34, Hidroboy escribió:
¿En serio os ha hecho gracia? Quiero decir... los Noticias del mundo anteriores eran muchísimo mejores. El de la roedora Asturiana, por ejemplo. A este le falta gracia por todas partes... es que o me he perdido algo o hemos bajado el listón...
El 02-mar-2009 a las 23:19, el cliche ha vuelto escribió:
ma-ra-vi-llo-so
El 02-mar-2009 a las 23:03, HASTAERCOÑODEREIRME ¡ escribió:
JAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAAJJJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJAAJJJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJAJAJAJAJA.JAJAAJ BASTA YA ¡¡
El 02-mar-2009 a las 22:59, Hidroboy escribió:
A vosotras os ha debido hacer mucha gracia al escribirlo y publicarlo, pero vamos... es malo con avaricia.
Agregar Comentario